1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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