sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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