I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
