Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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