Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
