yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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