Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
