I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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