Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize