guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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