I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
