No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
