Is it normal to miss your booty call?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
