I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
