She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
