Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
