Little spoons don't ask big questions
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
