I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
