I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
false alarm. still invincible.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
