wanna go halves on a baby?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
