put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pants are for mortals
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
