my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
