Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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