They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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