a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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