Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
