If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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