it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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