those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize