i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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