I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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