Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
