Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
