glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize