Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
