The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
