Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize