the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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