The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My vagina is officially offended.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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