I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
