His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
