If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
