I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
