I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
