That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I enjoy the company of your penis
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
