Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found the puke drawer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
