sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
