i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize