I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
