I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
