just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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