I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
