I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
