you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
