Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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