i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
PANTIES FOUND
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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