Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How external is "for external use only"?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
