I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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