Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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