he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
