And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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