are you still at the devil's house?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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