I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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