i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
