Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
