Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
