mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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