Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize