ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
