So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
