I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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