also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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