her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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